Clue: At the Crazy Hand Mansion
by SneakyKitty
Summary: What happens when Crazy Hand decides to throw a party? It turns into a murder mystery where either any of the Smash characters could be the killer! But who is it? Based off the movie CLUE. Rated T for a lil language, and some violence.
1. Arriving at Crazy Hand Mansion

_Sneaky Kitty: Hi peoples! So, I decided to tell the tale of what happens when Crazy Hand decided to throw a party with all the Smashers at his mansion. Based off the movie Clue. _

_I do NOT own any of these characters, the Nintendo peoples do~! And I don't own CLUE the movie either!_

_I'm just the person who wrote this story. Enjoy!_

_

* * *

_

_Dear Super Smash Brother,_

_You have cordially been invited to the Crazy Hand's Mansion_

_to attend a special party along with your fellow Smashers._

_Please dress appropriately, _

_nudity is not an option _

_(Got that Wario?!)_

_Arrive at: 8:30 p.m._

_Location: 108 Ultra Spooky Mansion Rd_

_Make sure to bring this invitation with you also._

_-From, Crazy Hand _

Chapter 1: Arriving at Crazy Mansion

At the end of a long, dark road, sat the Crazy Hand Mansion. On this stormy, cold night, Smashers from far and wide would gather and take part of something they would never forget for the rest of their lives. (insert Sneaky Kitty's ebil laff here!)

Already at the mansion, Master Hand stirred about uneasy. With a bow tie tied under his white wrist, he danced in the mirror happily singing. " _Itsh tha best, day, Evaaaaaaa! Best day eva! Itsh tha best, day, Evaaaaaaaaaaa!"_ There was an irritated knock on the door.

"I'm not wearing this!" Continuing to knock ferociously was the young Hyrule Princess Zelda. Steam fumed from the top of her head as she attempted to pull down the back of the WAY too short French maid costume she had on. "I can't even _walk _without the whole world seeing my ass!!"

"Too bad sista. Those ish tha rules."

"Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!" Zelda threw a wild childish tantrum.

Master Hand went downstairs through the foyer and to the kitchen, where Mr. Game & Watch laid snoring on the floor.

"Game & Watch, you're supposed to be cookingz! That's why you're tha 'chef'."

A startled 2-dimensional black Mr. Game & Watch bounced up ringing his bell in reply.

"You're gonna ruin tha party and Crazy Hand will neva speak to me again and he'll neva like me and WHY ISH LIFE SO CWUEL?!!! " Master Hand ran out sobbing. (how can a hand sob?) Mr. Game & Watch gave him the finger then started jumping about.

Outside with the crashing thunder, a lone wolf howled at the sky. Well, more specifically, _the _Wolf. Talented space pilot Wolf sat on the tiny porch of Crazy Mansion, a steel chain around his neck. The door behind him opened-

"What is the meaning of this?! Unlatch me now!" Wolf clawed.

"Waaaah! Mr. Game & Watch ish gonna ruin everyting-WAAAAAH!" Master Hand hugged Wolf.

"I…cant….breath….you…….moron….!"

"Oh, so itsh always about YOUS? Stupid dog!"

"Let me go!"

"Yous don't know tha true meaning of friendship."

"You're trying to suffocate me!'

"Just act your part of ferocious wolf doggy."

With that, Master Hand threw him down, returning back to the mansion. By now, Zelda had moved downstairs into the dining room, dusting the decorations. She cursed under her breath when she saw Master Hand again.

"Might I ask the whereabouts of Crazy Hand? This is _his _party."

"I don't knows- ***Ding Dong* **a guest!" Master Hand did an air flip racing back to the door.

The fearless pilot of the Arwing, Fox, stared dumbstruck, "Ummm, Wolf? Why are you- "

"HAHAHA!" The blue bird, Falco fell to his knees.

Wolf growled, "Shut. Up. Falco."

"This is priceless!"

"**I'll MAUL you to DEATH!!**"

"Hey Fox, this party is really _off the chain_ isn't it? Oh, too bad Wolf wouldn't know!!"

"Was…was that supposed to be a joke????"

Fox face-palms. Falco snaps a picture on his camera phone.

"Don't laugh at my doggie. Now if you pwease, welcome to tha house. Leave weaponsh at tha door and go to tha lounge."

Falco and Fox obeyed their orders, and Wolf bit his chain, "Damn these people to a Furby infested HELL!!!!"

* * *

"Tag your it!"

"No fair!"

" _Catch me if you can!_"

"Haaai!"

A few blocks down the dark road, hail popped off the windshield of the almighty Halbred. Mega Knight gloomed at the wheel, while his passengers ran around like 5 year olds.

"Bringing you guys, WHY AM I??"

" _Becauuuuuuuuuuuuuuse, you are the very responsible designated driver who can drive us when we're like, totally crunk off our asses, chika-chika-yeeea!_ _"_ Marth, the blue haired tiara wearing prince sang high pitched.

"Like you guys, I do not."

Blue haired Ike called, "You traveled with us during the Space Emissary. We're brothers now Meta Knight!"

"Oh my gosh Ike, you're so right." Marth yipped.

"He sounds stupid." The fiery redhead Roy mumbled.

"**Imma eat chu!!!**" Kirby hungrily clamped his mouth around Roy's head.

"What's that up ahead?"

On the side of the road, a very angry Samus blew missals at her already smoking space ship.

"Stupid Geico, how can getting attacked by a giant alien NOT be included in my car insurance??!"

"Pika, pika…" The yellow mouse Poke'mon shrugged. Samus had been at this for hours.

"Dude, hey!" Marth waved out the window. "You guys need like a ride or what??"

"No, I'm not done taking out my anger!! I didn't even save 15% or more!!"

"Ugh, way harsh dude, _chillaaaaaaaax_. We're on our way to a par-tay. Hop in!"

"Chu." Pikachu hopped aboard. Samus reluctantly following.

"Invite people on MY SHIP, thanks." Meta Knight yelled.

"Anytime!" Marth grinned.

"**Now imma eat chu**!" Kirby bit Meta Knight.

"…" Meta Knight beats his head against the steering wheel. "A CONCUSSION, I WANT!"

* * *

Back at Crazy Manor….

***Knock-Knock***

"Itsa me, Mario!"

"And me, a-Luigi!"

"Who will forever be in my overcastted shadow and no one cares about because everyone knows that I'm the star who wins everything." Mario pushed his little brother out of the way.

"Mario, unchain me!" Wolf barked.

"Waaah! Itsa scarrrrrrrrry~!" Luigi ran away.

Behind Mario peaked the pink princess, Peach. She glanced at Wolf.

"Oh….how adorable, a puppy!"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME BI-"

***GLOMP***

"Ooooooh I'm gonna hug you and squeeze you into itty bitty little pieces and call you Poochi!" Peach caressed her new pet.

"My god she's a-stupid." Mario sighed.

"If yous be so kind, leggo of my Eggo!! Er- I mean come in tha house." Master Hand interrupted.

"But I saw him first, he's mine!"

"He'll join us laters."

"Nuuuuuuuuu!"

"Hey Peach, there ish a Care Bear inside."

"Yaaaaaaay! Care Bare!" Peach ran inside.

Luigi ran in circles across the lawn. "Scary dog, SCARY DOG!"

Just then, the blue and orange Falcon Flyer crash landed on the lawn. Out from the hatch came the showy Captain Falcon. He gave the thumbs up before announcing, "Another horrible landing by: Falcon!"

"We almost died!" Pit the dizzy angel yelled, stumbling out the ship.

"Falcon says: Not true, for angels, can not die."

"Well I don't want to find out."

"Gaaaah!' Luigi cried.

"Captain Falcon, Pit, welcomez. Weaponsh at tha door, and could someone pweash bring in Luigi?" Master Hand called.

"Falcon on it. Falcon, **PAWNCH!!"**

"Owowowowowoooo!" Luigi smashed through the doors.

"Thanksies Falcon."

"Another successful mission by: Falcon!"

"Congratulations." Pit cheered.

"Now, Falcon go, and get Pit piss drunk, LIKE A MAN. Make him grow hair, on his balls!"

"Ew, what?!" Pit was helplessly caught in a chokehold and dragged inside.

"Party! Party!...Party!" Nana, Popo, Lucas, and Ness all ran through the door shouting.

Lucario the blue and black Poke'mon walked in with Yoshi the green dinosaur. Behind them, the timid Olimar and observant R.O.B. Wario came in riding his obnoxiously loud motorcycle.

"Ooh oh AH!" ( Translation: I'm KING KONG!" ) Donkey Kong pounded on his chest.

"Oh…….ee…" (Translation: No….you're just a monkey named Donkey.") Diddy informed.

Poke'mon Trainer entered the mansion with King Dedede, His face shone when he noticed Lucario. "Legendary Poke'mon!!!"

_How did you figure that out, Sherlock? _Lucario chuckled.

Fire burning in his eyes, Poke'mon Trainer pulled out a Poke'ball and begun to dance. "Poke'ball, GOOOOOOOOOO!"

_Ow! You can't catch me you moron!_

"I WANT YOU!!!! _I wanna be the very best. Like no one ever was…!"_

_Not that stupid song!! _

Lucario fled with Poke'mon Trainer on his trial.

"Every one ish almost here!" Master Hand rejoiced.

The Halbred was the next ship to land.

"Hello! Weaponsh at tha door, and Samus take off your suit pwease."

"Fine."

"Dude." Marth clutched Ike's arm as he watched Samus take off the bottom of her suit. "I don't want to sound gay, but **damn **that guy Samus has an ass!"

Samus took off the top of her suit.

"Dude, that guy has boobs!"

Samus took off her helmet.

"DUDE, omgwthisgononzoooooooorghhh-that man is a _chick_!!"

Ike blinks. "……………No way!"

"Why didn't anyone tell me?!"

"I didn't know."

"I think I'm in love."

"No way Marth, I got DIBS."

"Like hell!"

They both wrestle on the floor while Roy grumbles angrily, "You both are so mature."

Pikachu frowned at Master Hand. "Pikaa?"

"Um……...er….….yes?....uh…………….wha?"

"Pikaaaaa-Where's the **effin liquor**???!"

"Eeeek! Itsh in tha lounge!"

"Pika, pi."

A blond haired elf walks through the door, only to have his eyes bulge out of his head at the sight of his loved princess. "Z-z-z-z-z-ZELDA?"

"_Damn_!" Marth and Ike screamed noticing the elf girl's short short dress.

Zelda turned pink. "H-he made me wear it."

"I got dibs on her too." Ike claimed.

"You can't have them both!"

"Says who? I could defiantly get laid twice tonight."

"Cheater."

"NO ONE TOUCHES HER!" Link pulled out his sword, chasing Marth and Ike.

"No weaponz!" Master Hand whined. Behind him he heard the front door-

***CRASH!***

Music flodded the room:

_I love it when you call me Big Papa!_

_Throw yo' hands in the air, if yous a true playa_

_I love it when when you call me-_

" _BIG PAPA!" _Bowser the Koopa King bellowed in his over sized sunglasses and gold chains.

" _Cuz I see some ladies tonight that should be havin' my bay-bays!" _Ganondorf danced next to him. "_Damn,_ Zelda!"

"S-stop saying that to me!"

"Raaaaaaaaagh!!! Link charged after Ganandorf.

"**Shit!**"

"She's a minor you PERV!!"

"I didn't touch her!"

Master Hand turned to Bowser. "Pweash turn off tha music and fix the front door."

"Ha yea right. There's a box for ya outside, Square."

"Aww for me? Itsh _MAAAAIIIL TIIIIIIIIIIME!"_

All the Smashers gather around the box in triumphant union and freakishly wide grins:

" _Here's the mail _

_It never fails_

_It makes me wanna wag my tail!  
_

_When it comes_

_I wanna wail_

_MAAAAAAAAIL!!!"_

"……GAY! GRAHAHA." Bowser cackles in the corner. The other Smashers went back to what they were doing like nothing ever happened. Master Hand giddily picked up the large box.

"So, what ish in this box, I wonder."

"Hya!" The box screamed and jumped in the air. Part of the package tore apart to reveal a blue spiked hedgehog. "Geez Snake, I told you traveling by box was stupid!"

"But I used FedEx." The man known as Snake jumped out the opposite end of the box.

"You two ish tha last ones. Welcomez."

"Aww man, you made me loose another race!" Sonic sped inside.

"Seriously is that all you care about? You need a LIFE."

Wolf shook his wet fur. "Alright Hand, I played my part. Now let me inside."

"Nopesh! Yous still have a job. Byeeeeee!"

"SON OF A-"

***SLAM!***

With the door tightly shut, Master Hand announced that the party had officially begun.

* * *

_Sneaky Kitty: That folks concludes Chapter One! What will happen next? Where is Crazy Hand during his own party? Why is Wolf chained outside? SO when do people get murdered and who's the first victim???! Mwahahaha!!!...Ahem. All that and more in the next chapter where the party begins!_

_This is the first fanfic I've written in 2 years, and the first one I've ever published, so sorry if its not the best. Reviews (nice or not) would be appreciated. =D_

_Songs: _

_"Best Day Ever" lyrics from Spongebob Squarepants_

_"Big Papa" lyrics by Biggie Smalls_

_"Poke'Mon Opening Theme" lyrics from Poke'mon_

_"Mail Time" lyrics from Blues Clues_


	2. The Party Begins

Chapter 2: The Party Begins

" _I got a feelin' that tonight's gonna be a good night!" _ Master Hand walked back into the house.

"Itsh din-din time. Everyone go to tha dining room." The giant hand announced, shoving people out the lounge. In the dining room, everyone sat down in their assigned seats. After an awkward silence, the Smashers begun sipping tea while waiting for their meal.

"So like, does anybody know why this party is so lame?"

"Cuz of yo' face! GRAHAHA."

"You just got _owned, _Dawg_._"

"**Imma hungry. Om nom nom!**"

"Oh dear god! Don't eat my Pikmin!!"

"This is dumb. Robots don't eat food."

" _I know a song that gets on every body's nerves, every body's nerves, every body's nerves-" _King Dedede sings with a banjo.

"Yoshi! On my foot, an egg you pooped!!"

"That's-a gross."

"Pika-Where's the **effin food**??!"

"My goodness, such foul language. Someone needs soap in his mouth, teehee." Peach giggles.

"For a _Peach_, she's pretty _dull _isn't she Fox? Haha!"

"….Falco was that supposed to be another joke?"

"Falcon, is not, happy. Falcon, is going on, STRIKE."

_Ouch! Stop throwing balls at me!_

"I MUST HAVE YOU. AND I DON'T MEAN IN A DIRTY WAY…OR DO I?"

"You're under arrest Samus, because you've just stolen my heart."

"Touch me and you die, Snake."

Diddy squealed, "Oooh oooh eeei!" ( Translation: Rejected, loser! )

"Candy, candy, candy!"

"Wahaha!" Wario throws his large rump in the air to-***PPPPFT!***

***Cough*Cough*Gag noises***

"Wario NO FARTING!"

"Orda pweash, ORDA! Tha chef ish finished." Master Hand announced.

"Yay!" The anxious Smashers cheered.

Mr. Game & Watch exited the kitchen holding a black frying pan. He bowed deeply before hopping to the center of the table. He spun in circles flinging fresh bacon out of his frying pan onto every guest, which instantly burst into flames.

"AHHHHHHHH!" All the Smashers screamed in panic as their clothes burned.

"OMG!!"

"HELP!!"

"My clothes are on fire!"

"My under wear is on fire!"

"IM ON FIRE!"

Mr. Game & Watch jumped happily before returning to the kitchen and left everyone screaming. Master Hand heaved a heavy sigh, before grabbing a water gun and extinguished the fire. "This ish why I don't throw partiesh anymoa."

After beating up Mr. Game & Watch, the Smashers had finally received a three course meal and were content. Although, when Zelda served dessert, they got a little antsy.

"Hey, this isn't candy or cake." Lucas poked at his bowl of pink disgusting looking gooey bad smelling wonder, same as the other Smashers were doing.

"I want ice cream." Ness hollered.

"We want veggies...veggies." Nana and Popo cried.

"Scrumptious." Peach exclaimed, the only one eating it.

Ganondorf threw his bowl at the wall. "This party is laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame."

Meta Knight nodded, "Our host, are you not, Master Hand?"

"Noez."

Ike raised his hand, "Mr. Dude, I thought you were head of this thing."

"Me too." The oblivious Smashers nodded.

"I ish merely tha butler."

"Which means…?" Roy yawned.

"It means he "buttles." R.O.B. computed.

"Uh, that's not a word." Link scratched his ear.

"It ish so-it means-I mean-just shuddup and eat tha monkey brianz!!"

"Is THAT what this is????" Sonic jumped out his chair in horror.

The other Smashers turned pale, staring in disbelief. Then there was a sudden uproar. Bowls started flying like bullets. Donkey Kong leapt across the table and strangled Master Hand.

"Oooh, AHHHHHHHH!" ( "You, DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!")

"Gaaah…" Luigi fainted.

"Whoa!" Yoshi fell backwards.

King Dedede took off his hat. " _Nine little monkeys jumpin' on the bed. They came to Crazy Mansion and now they're all dead._"

"Poor monkeys." Pit cried making gravestones for each bowl.

"That's-a madness!"

"Madness? This, ish, SPATULA!" Master Hand flicked D.K. with a giant spatula. "I didn't makes tha dessert anyway."

Samus got up from the table. "I think I will go back out in the pouring rain to kick the crap out of my ship and continue cursing car insurance companies."

"We'll join." Marth and Ike followed.

"Us too." The others started to leave their seats as well.

"Noo, don't leave yets!" Master Hand pleaded.

"Too late. Now we'll all leave in a dramatic exit." Snake pulled something from his pocket.

_What is that?_

"A smoke screen that will choke and blind everyone. Run fast!"

"NO DON'T-"

***Ka-BOOM!***

The room was filled with a black cloud of smoke. Unfortunately, Snake threw the bomb at his feet causing him too to be blind and choke along with everyone else. So as everybody coughed and hacked together, they didn't notice the final guest walking through the front door. Crazy Hand entered the dining room when the smoke had cleared. He stood unnoticed for a moment.

"…Who thee hell are all theese people in my house??!" He yelled.

Master Hand squealed with glee, tackling the other hand. "Crazy Hand! Waaaaaah I ish so glad you here- "

***Punch!* -**Master Hand flies across the room.

"Get off mee. What is this?"

"Oww. It ish tha party."

"Oh. I forgot. Well, sit down Smasheers."

The Smashers exchanged unsure looks to one another, until finally they decided to return to their seats.

Roy slouched in his chair. "So, did I come all this way just to eat monkey brains or what?"

"Don't look at mee, I didn't call for this thing." Crazy Hand shrugged.

Ganondorf cocked his head, "Hold up, you sent us all invitations fool."

"No, I too got a letteer, saying I should bee here."

Zelda walked out from the kitchen, setting a plate for Crazy Hand on the table. He rubbed one of his large fingers against her thigh, "I love thee costumes. Don't you Zelda?"

"Bitch, please." She smacked him.

"Damn you, vilee woman."

"E-excuse me?" Olimar stood on the table, "If you'd be so kind, why are we here again?"

Master Hand rubbed the bruise on the side of his face, "If everyone ish done eating, then we should go into tha lounge where I explain everyting."

Everyone migrated across the foyer to the lounge. The lounge had a few run down couches, a mini bar in the back, and a large fire place in the center of the room. King Dedede sat in front of the fire, pulled out his red banjo singing-

" _Let's gather around the campfire and sing our Campfire Song._

_Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song._

_And if you don't think that we can sing it faster_

_Than you're wrong_

_But it'll help if you just sing along…"_

"Oh no." Crazy Hand shuddered, watching all the Smashers inhale deeply.

"_C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG!_

_C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG!_

_And if you don't think that we can sing it faster_

_Than you're wrong_

_But it'll help if you just sing along._

_C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG!_

_Go, Master Hand!"_

" _C-C-C-A-M-P-F-I-R-"_

"_Go, Crazy Hand!"_

"…………" Crazy Hand grabs the banjo-

***Smash!***

-breaking it over King Dedede's head.

"This is not fun timeee!"

"Aww." The others pout.

"ZELDA, bring mee a drink!" Crazy Hand commands.

"Y-yes sir." She struts to the mini bar, only to discover empty bottles. "What happened to all the liquor??"

"Pika *hic* pik…*belch*."

"Someone needs to check into A.A. I'll get some more drinks." She leaves the room, closing the door.

"Now," Master Hand floated to the middle of the room. "I knows everyone ish wondering why they are here. I invited you alls."

"Eeei, eeii." ( "Spit it out already." ) Diddy screeched.

"Tha truth ish, I've discovered that all of you ish being………BLACKMAILED."

"**Dun, dun, duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!**" Kirby emphasized.

The room fell silent. Everyone exchanged uneasy glances.

"Heh, I don't know what you're talkin' about." Sonic tapped his foot, arms crossed.

"Me neither." Link huffed.

"Not us either…either." Popo and Nana hopped.

"Waha-not me, not Wario!" Wario rolled laughing.

"Falcon, is in, denial."

Master Hand pulled a giant box out from a cabinet. "Deny all you wants. But in this box, ish evidence to all your dirty little secrets. And I too ish being blackmailed by someone."

Everyone stared at the box, their faces dropping.

Peach giggled. "Oh silly me, I _am_ being blackmailed. Heehee."

"Blackmailed, I too am being." Meta Knight hid his face in shame.

"Yea, me too." All the others sighed.

"I alreadys knew that you all were! Stop tryings to deny it." Master Hand said.

Fox raised his hand. "I'm not."

"Yous not being blackmailed?"

"No, I'm not denying I'm being blackmailed." Fox proudly announced.

"Well, durrrrr." Roy added.

"Like, Roy, what did you do to get blackmailed?" Marth asked.

"Like I'm gonna tell you."

"Tell me you're secrets Lucario so I can catch you."

_ Over my dead maggot infested mud covered mushroom sprouting body._

"I thought we were bros Ganondorf. Now you're keeping secrets from me??" Bowser growled.

"Dawg, you're being blackmailed too!" Ganondorf shot back.

"How about the host telling us his-a secret first?" Mario asked.

The attention all turned to Crazy Hand who sat in a recliner with a smug grin. "My secret? Isn't it obvious?"

Master Hand's voice lowered. "He ish blackmailing us all."

"You bastard! Put 'em up!" Falco challenged the reclining hand.

"Don't take it personally, just busineeeess."

"Lets get him…him!" Popo and Nana tackled the Crazy Hand along with the others.

"PK Tenda!" Lucas and Ness attacked.

"Grawr!" Bowser blew flames out his mouth.

"Orda, people, ORDA!" Master Hand shoved the others off Crazy Hand. "I've called tha cops, they will be here any moment."

"You guys are meeeean. I'm out of heeeere." Crazy Hand ran to the front door.

Master Hand yelled in his loudest voice, "Wolf! Stop tha hand!"

"A wolf?" Crazy Hand flung the door open, only to meet a very agitated Wolf pouncing on him.

"Why should I listen to him, huh?? I've been out here soaking wet all night, I don't want to go to you're dumb party anymore just unchain me you psychotic armless-"

"Good job Wolf!" Master Hand grabbed Crazy Hand, throwing him back inside.

"Um…what are you waiting for? Untie me!"

"Untie you? Oh noez noez, he might try again. Toodles!" Master Hand shuts and locks the door leaving Wolf outside yelling.

"Alright, evary one back into tha lounge. We still got to figure this out." He puts the key to the front door in his pocket.

"Give mee that keeey!" Crazy Hand demanded.

"Over my dead bodies." Master Hand shooed them back into the lounge. "Noa, in a calm manor, everyone sit down."

"How can we sit calmly knowing that our secrets are in the mind of a hand and a cardboard box?" Pit asked a bit frightful.

"When tha police arrive, everyting will be straightened out. Besides, all tha doors and windows are locked so we're stuck here togethers."

Snake flexed his muscles in front of Samus, "I vote we go back to what we were doing 3 minutes ago."

"I agreeeee. But first, I think I can make things more interesting." Crazy Hand left the room for a moment.

Samus punched Snake away. "Did he just agree to let us beat him up?"

"Delightful!" Peach clapped.

Crazy Hand returned carrying a giant black bag. He went around the room handing everyone their own green boxes. "Happy Birthday Smashees! Now open your gifts."

"Toys, toys??" Lucas tore his box open, only to find a hammer.

"Pika, piiiii, chu?" Pikachu grasped a frying pan.

_A yo-yo…?_

"Shiney!" Ness swung Marth's sword in the air.

"Yoshiiii…" Yoshi picked up a ray gun.

Donkey Kong opened his box, "Eee, ahhh?" ( "All I got was a monkey wrench?" )

"Better than a rusted lead pipe." A disappointed Falco sighed.

"Falcon, does not, like this lame gift that is only, Roy's sword."

"Uh, what is this?" Sonic revealed a yellow smiling umbrella.

"That's-a Peach's." Mario answered, holding Link's Master Sword.

"You got a candle stick? Grahaha!" Bowser laughed at King Dedede.

"**Om nom nom...**" Kirby chewed on Diddy's peanut popgun.

All the guests revealed various weapons that were from other people or random items that could still do damage. Weapons varied from swords, guns, bombs, down to a simple rope.

R.O.B. held up a baseball bat, "What is the meaning of this?"

Crazy Hand smiled, "In your hands, each of you have a lethal weapon. If you turn me over to thee police, your secrets will be exposed. I'll be sure to do that in court. But if you kill Master Hand now, no one will know but us."

Master Hand stood, horrified. He shook slightly, disbelieving what was happening. The Smashers stared, deeply paying attention to Crazy Hand.

"Heee has locked us in, and has thee keeey." The despicable Hand continued, "And he said hee would give up thee keeey only over his 'dead bodies'. So, let's take him up on that offer. That way you all avoid being on thee front page of tomorrow's newspaper."

He went to the light switch, "Thee answer is to kill Master Hand….NOW."

The lights flicked off.

"……………..….."

***Crash!***

"Aaaaaaaah!!!"

"Oh-a no!"

***BOOM***

"Waha!"

***BANG!***

"Aiiiiii!"

"Someone turn on the lights!"

Moments later, light slowly begun to fill the room. Snake stood at the light switch terrified, shaking like a leaf. He stared at a body laying motionless on the floor, "Whoa…that's not good."

Sneaky Kitty: At last, one of the Smashers has been eliminated, but who was it? Next chapter coming shortly! Hope this one was alright.

By the way, honestly I haven't come up with every character's reason for being blackmailed….. :(

If you have a really good idea, please let me know. I might add it in the story! Thanks to those who contribute!

"I Got a Feelin" by Black Eyed Peas

"Campfire Song" from Spongebob Squarepants

I have a few direct quotes from Clue: The Movie, Spongebob Squarepants, and Family Guy.


	3. Murderer!

_Sneaky Kitty: I own none of these characters! Just incase someone thought i was acutally that awesome and did own them all xD;_

* * *

Chapter 3: Murderer!

The Smashers all commuted around the body on the floor. They stood in silence. Mario pulled out his doctor's outfit and stethoscope. He knelt by the giant hand, checking for a pulse. Seconds later, he shook his head soberly.

"…Dead, the wrong hand is..." Meta Knight whispered.

"Whats?!" Master Hand popped from behind the bar. He glided over, shoving through the crowd until he reached Crazy Hand's body. "N-nooz…not my Crazy Hand…he ish gone…Wa…wa…Waaahaaaaaaaaaa!" He hugged Crazy Hand wailing.

King Dedede took off his hat, slowly singing:

"_What's the worst thing I could say?_

_Things are better off this way._

_So long, and good night._

_Sooooooo long_

_And good_

_Niiiiiiiiiight."_

"…That was…" Master Hand glared up, "…Tha bestest funeral song eva, King D, THANKSIES!!!" He goes back to sobbing.

After another dead silence, the Smashers wearily eyed one another.

"…Who did it?" Olimar squeaked.

"Not me!" Everyone shouted at once.

"Dude, one of us had to kill him, he's dead!"

"Who like, hand a gun? I totally heard a gun shot."

_Kirby and Yoshi had guns._

"**Buuuuuuurp.**" Kirby belched up Diddy's peanut popgun.

Diddy angrily kicked the pink fluff ball, "Ahh-ah!" ( "Don't eat my weapon!")

"Falcon concludes: Yoshi did it."

"That's one hard-core homicidal dino." Roy said bluntly.

"Whoaaa! Yo-yoshiiiii." The dinosaur cautiously took steps back shaking his head. He pointed to the ray gun on the ground across the room.

"He says someone take it from him." Luigi quivered.

Master Hand sobbed, "He hash no bullet w-w-woundz…WAAHH my poor HAND!!"

"Lookie, lookie." Ness hopped on Sonic's shoulder, pointing to a bullet hole in the wall. "The shot missed."

King Dedede confronted Mario, viciously strumming his banjo, "_Who, I say, WHO killed the giant Hand???_"

"I don't-a know!"

Peach mindlessly twitched, wallowing over to the bar, gulping a cup of tea.

Wario pointed at her. "Hey, maybe he got poisoned, haha."

Peach drops the cup hollering, "Aaaah!"

"Mama mia." Mario grabbed her arm, leading her to a chair.

"Aaaaaaah!"

"Calm a-down Peach."

"Aaaaaahhhh! Aaaahaaaaaa!"

"PEACH."

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH-"

***SLAP!!!!!***

"Ahh-ow…" Peach rubbed her stinging cheek. Everyone stared at Mario, surprised.

Mario, who still held up the hand he had struck Peach with, shrugged

apologetically, "Well, I had to stop her a-screaming."

"How will we know if she is poisoned?...poisoned?" the two children poke at Peach's face.

"If she kicks tha bucket…" Master Hand said slowly. Everyone huddled around Peach impatiently watching. Peach sat dazed as Ness and Lucas joined in poking her face. With all the attention on Peach, it was a scare to hear off in the distance an alarming-

"Aiiiiiiiiiie!!"

The shrill made all the others jump.

Donkey Kong clung to Diddy, "Eeei haaa?!" ( "Who the hell was that?!" )

"Wh-who else is in th-the house?" Pit stammered, hanging onto the ceiling fan.

Snake yelled, "The other hot girl-!"

"Zelda!!" Link sped out the room, the others behind him.

"Where is she??" Ganondorf examined all the closed doors in the foyer.

"My calculations say it came from the billboard room." R.O.B. led the way, two rooms to the left.

"Open, open!" Lucas knocked on the door.

Samus jiggled the door knob, "Damn door's locked."

Zelda screamed even louder, "AIIIIIEEE!"

Pikachu panicked. "Pika-OMG the **effin killer must be in there**!"

"Why would the killer scream?" Falco asked.

Fox face-palms. "Falco, now is REALLY not the time."

"Zelda, open the door!" Link continued pushing at the door.

"Go, Pikmin!" Poke'mon Trainer ordered. Olimar's last two tiny Pikmin charged at the door, only to be crushed by an oblivious stomping Bowser.

"Move it, ya weaklin's." Bowser pushed his way through the others. He took his heavy koopa fist and broke the door knob. Link flung the door open plunging into the room.

Zelda stood plastered to the back wall. Her face streaming with tears, eyes wide, startled.

"You ish alive." The relieved hand sighed.

"No thanks to you guys." Zelda cried.

"What you means?"

"You locked me in here with a murderer."

"Murderer in here, he is??"

"Yes."

"Where?!" Simultaneously the Smashers shouted.

"In here."

"…Here?"

"HERE."

"…………………?"

"**Wha chu talkin bout Zelda?**"

"Idiots! We are all looking at him. Or her. Or it."

"How did you know about the murderer?"

Zelda pointed to the sound recorder on the desk. "I was listening. Master Hand told me too."

Sonic bounced on the pool table, "Then why did you scream?"

"Because I drank the tea too. I don't want to be poisoned!" She broke into tears again.

"There, there, Dudette." Ike soothed, grabbing Zelda's hand.

Marth grabbed her other hand, "Come back with us, Princess."

"With the murderer??"

"Well, we could like stay here, just you and me- ***PUNCH!*** -OW!!"

An aggravated Link pulls Zelda away as Marth and Ike rubbed the back of their now aching heads. "Don't worry, I'll protect you."

_We should go back to the lounge and try to remain calm. _

"You ish right- OMIGOSH!" Master Hand went to the front door.

"What's wrong?" The others trailed after.

Poor Wolf, still laid outside in the pouring rain. His ears lazily perked up. Next thing he knew the white hand had quickly unhooked the chain around his neck and forcefully grabbed him inside the mansion. He shook himself off, before shaking his furry fist, "About time you let me in, Freak!"

Master Hand panted, out of breath, "What, you doings?! Itsh not, SAFE out there!"

"Why not?"

"Because, there ish a murderer in here!!"

"…So you bring me INSIDE where the murderer is?"

"There ish safety in numbars."

Wolf tackled the hand, gnawing one of his giant fingers. "You want me to be a guard dog? FINE, but you're my new CHEW TOY!!!!"

"Owwiez, that hurts~!"

"Oh my. what a bad dog." Peach swats Wolf with a rolled newspaper. "Bad, BAD doggie!"

"Violence never solved anything, Wolf." Fox and Falco pull him off Master Hand.

"Like hell it doesn't. You guys just told me there is a killer in here. OBVIOUSLY they solved their problem with violence!"

"Pwease, to tha lounge."

The nervous Smashers sat back in the lounge. Master Hand came in last, dropping the sound recorder from the billboard room on the floor. He moped, sprawling across a couch. "I didn't wants any of this."

"What you think would happen, huh?" Ganondorf spat.

"Not tha murder of my boss."

"You're not the butler?"

"I'm not_ tha_ butler. I'm a butler. I ish Crazy Hand's butler."

"Assisting his black mailings, you were!" Meta Knight accused.

"Noz I wasn't! I would neva do such a thing!!"

"That's believable, after you just said you worked for him." Roy cracked his knuckles.

"Noooz! Really, I didn't."

"Prove it…it."

"Alrights. I guess I has to be honest. I ish being black mailed too. But, for someting I didn't do."

"Ooooh, ooo?" ("What did you do?")

"Not what I did…it was whats my wife did."

"WIFE?"

"Yesh. My wifey."

Link grasped his arm around Zelda, "…You mean there are more giant hands drifting around out there??"

"Who says she ish a hand? She ish the most beauuuuuuutiful giant foot that I eva laid eyes on-"

"GRAWR!" Bowser shot flames out his mouth. "Yo, get on with it already!!"

"Meep! Sowwiez. Like I was sayings, my wife, she did someting…terribles…Crazy Hand found out about it, and threatened to tellz me if she did not do evaryting he ordered. She became hish maid, without being paid. She worked horrible long hours…I started to work tooz to help her…though she was so sads…"

"What happened?" Pit asked with wide innocent eyes.

"Oh, she blews her brains out."

The others gasped. Master Hand started crying.

"Poor giant hand. " Peach patted him, offering a handkerchief.

"So like, how did you find out about the blackmails if you weren't helping Crazy Hand?"

"My wifey found out about it, but made me swear not to say a ting about it."

R.O.B. spoke, "Why did you do it now then?"

"Because, Crazy Hand decided to raise tha price you all have to pays again, plus adding on additional threats. I gotz angry, deciding to avenge my wifey."

Sonic anxiously spun around the room, "Hmph. Why were you crying like a baby when he died then?"

"He ish…was…still my brotha."

"Finally everything is clear." Spoke the satisfied Olimar.

Zelda stood up frustrated. "Nothing is clear. We still don't know which one of you is the killer!"

"Which one of us? No way, you're still a suspect too." Snake said.

"How could I have been? I stayed in the billboard room the whole time."

"Pi, kaaaa." He wasn't convinced. Zelda frowned at him.

Luigi peaked from under the table, "O-others in th-the house?"

"No, just tha cook."

"The COOK!"

Like cattle, they all herded through the dining room to the kitchen door. It hollowly swung open, revealing an eerie silence, and an empty room.

"M-Mishter. Game & Watch?"

"Where is he…he?"

"Maybe he's playing Hide & Seek." Lucas guessed.

"Let's see who can find him first." Ness cheered. He went into the room as the other three children followed, checking cabinets and drawers. The rest of the Smashers cautiously went into the kitchen looking around also. After searching for five minutes, they grew bored.

"Maybe he left already." Poke'mon Trainer shrugged.

_But all the doors were locked- oh that reminds me. _Lucario forcefully kicked Trainer in the crouch. _That's for STILL trying to catch me when the lights went out!_

"I, WILL, GET, YOU." He squealed high pitched.

Wolf stood by the pantry door, "Look, he's not here. We're wasting time." The pantry door swung open by itself-

"Aiiiiiieeek!!!" Snake screamed like a girl, pointing to the now open pantry.

Everyone turned to see Mr. Game & Watch lifelessly fall forward, Wolf instinctively caught him, before even realizing who it was.

"Oh PALUTENA!!" Pit cried.

"I-I didn't do it!" Wolf yelled.

"………"

"Get over here and help me!!"

Roy and Wario came to his assistance, gently laying the body on the floor.

"Wha! Look at that." Wario pointed to the gaping bloody wound on Mr. Game & Watch's back. He then noticed Ike's sword leaning against the pantry side.

"Ike, why is your sword here?" Roy turned suspiciously towards him.

"Dude, do _not _look at me."

"How dare I do that when it was YOUR SWORD that killed the cook!"

"Uh, I didn't have my weapon. Remember? Twenty minutes ago? Ya know? When we did a weapon swap? Remember? The Crazy Hand Dude? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? DO YA????"

Donkey Kong grabbed both of them, knocking their heads together, "Ahhh eeh!" ("This isn't helping!")

"He's right. So who did have Ike's sword?" Link slowly stepped towards the dead body.

"I did…" Samus quietly confessed. "But I dropped it-"

Falco chuckled. "What did you kill the cook for? Dinner wasn't _that _bad."

Ganondorf growled, "Yo, how can you make jokes at a time like this?!"

"It's my defense mechanism. And a successful comic relief line."

"Annoying maggot! Damn if I were the killer I'd kill **you** next!"

Everyone gasped. Ganondorf rubbed his irritated temples. "I said if. IF."

They all exhaled, slightly assured. Ganondorf chugged a beer mumbling, "Stupid bird."

King Dedede grinned, he stood on the counter proudly:

"_Don't you know about the bird? _

_Well everybody's heard about the bird!_

_Awella _

_B-B-B-BIRD _

_Bird B-Birds the word _

_A B-B-BIRD bird bird_

_Birds the WORD! _

_Awella _

_Bird Bird Bird-"_

"ENOUGH, that is!" Meta Knight kicked him off.

"Awwww…" The other Smashers whined, having their dance time shut down again.

"He ish right…I suppose we should put Mr. Game & Watch in tha lounge."

"Yoshiiiiii?"

"Because, I ish tha butler. I like tha house clean."

Reluctantly, three more people helped pick up Mr. Game & Watch. Master Hand led the way, back across the foyer and into the lounge. At the entrance though, he let out a horrified yelp. Sonic and Wolf, who were right behind him helping carry the body, both peaked behind Master Hand. They reacted the same way.

***FLOP***

They dropped the body.

"What happened a-now?"

* * *

_Sneaky Kitty: So, what ARE they staring at? :P Wouldn't you like to know! As ususal, have to wait till the next chapter to know what happened and what still has to come. Ooh, next chapter we also reveals a few of the character's dirty little secrets that sit in that cardboard box._

_Much love to the two reveiws I have so far, you guys rock socks! And Kirby dances for you:_

* * *

_Songs: "Helena" My Chemical Romance_  
_"Surfin' Bird" The Trashmen_


	4. Secrets

Chapter 4: Secrets

***Kick!***

Bowser kicked Master Hand demanding, "What are ya lookin' at, _fool_??"

"Na-ting."

_Well who's there?_

"Nobodys."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Nobodys. _No Body. _Crazy Hand's body. It ish gone!"

"WHAT?"

"Oh my. Maybe he wasn't dead?"

"He was, I was-a sure, Peach."

"Gaaaaah~ We should made sure!"

"Do that, how?"

"Should've cut one of his fingers off."

"Roy! Don't be, like, so cruel!"

"Oooh, ahh?" ("Where is he??")

"Chuuuuu-we gotta **effin find him**!"

Mr. Game & Watch fell in the middle of the doorway. Tiny creeping footsteps were taken around him as one by one Smashers filled the lounge. They searched under tables, under sofas, behind curtains without the slightest hint on where Crazy Hand could have gone.

Falco jumped up suddenly excited, "Hey-Hey, guys, maybe he's a zombie! This is the night of the living **DEAD. *Graaaaawglaaaaar*-**"

***SMACK!***

"Dammit Falco!" Fox bellowed at Falco, who was know knocked unconscious on the floor.

Olimar tugged on Mario's pant leg, a scold on his face, "You said he was DEAD."

"He was-a dead…I thought-a he was."

"Dude, what difference does it make?"

"Apparently a big difference to Crazy Hand." Roy emotionlessly plopped on the couch.

"**Da, cooooooooooook.**"

Samus picked up Kirby and sat him in her lap. She petted his bald little head. "What do you mean Kirby?"

"**Crazy Hand. Da cooooook.**" He made a stabbing motion.

"He saying that maybe Crazy Hand killed the cook."

"Ofcourse!" Everyone cheered.

"Uhh…howz?"

"………"

"**Ommmmmmmmm.**" Kirby sucked on his hand.

Zelda sighed. "We should just sit here until the killer decides to kill again."

"The killer's not going to kill us with everyone watching." Link said.

"Atleast we'd all be alive!"

"Wahaha! That's a stupid idea, haha." Wario belched in her face, then fell into a fit of laughter.

"Falcon: agrees! I too, laugh, at stupid elf girl. HAHAHA."

"This ishn't helping."

"Yoshi, Yo-Whoa-" The green dino got shoved aside by Nana and Popo. The two children continued rampaging until they reached Mario. The punched his large gut.

"Cheater!...Lier!…lier!"

"Oh-a no. What I-a do?"

"Bad Fat-Man!...Man!"

"This is a fake certificate. Faker, phony!" Ness stood on the desk, waving a sheet of paper around. The box that contained all the blackmail evidence was now pried open by the children.

"Put that-a down-"

A frenzy broke out. The Smashers frantically scrambled to the box. Some tried to close it, others tried to search for their evidence. Lucas and Ness claimed the box again before, "PK Tenda!"

With everyone still smoking from the sting of their attack, the two peacefully returned to the box, and Mario's certificate.

Ness continued, "These papers say that Mario isn't a real doctor."

"What? Mario, is this true?" Peach turned to the blushing plumber.

"It-it's not-a true-"

"Lier." Lucas accused. "You cheated. You didn't finish medical school. You bribed someone into passing you."

"That's why you couldn't tell that Crazy Hand wasn't dead!" Ness waved the certificate around again.

"_Lier, lier, Pants on fire. Too fat to climb up the telephone wire!" _ King Dedede chanted.

"Mario! How awful. You should be very very ashamed." Peach punished.

"Give me a-break-a! I didn't finish the school because YOU-A kept getting kidnapped so-a much!!"

"Mario! How rude to blame this on me." Peach got teary eyed.

"Always the Mario-this, Mario-that, Mario-help! Mama mia I have-a time for nothing!"

"It's not my fault. Bowser is the one who always kidnaps me. Naughty, naughty Koopa."

Bowser lets out a deep laugh, "Grahaha. This one ain't my fault."

"You ish one to talk." Master Hand dove into the box, holding up a little pink skull printed book. Bowser's face fell.

"What's that…that?" The two reached for it.

"Bowser's diary. Why don't I reveals WHY he ish always taking tha princess."

Bowser charged forward. "Gimme that or I'll tear ya damn fingers off-"

"DEAR DIARY." Master Hand out sped the giant Koopa, reading aloud at the same time. "Today I failed againz at world domination, blah blah blah, I cried and ate ice cream blah blah I LOVE PEACH THAT'SH WHY I KIDNAP HER!"

Bowser tripped forward, attempting to grab Master Hand. He fell right in front of Peach's frilly dress.

"………."

"…Ew." Some Smashers scrunched up their faces.

"_The Peach and The Turtle sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G_." King Dedede laughed with Falco and Ganondorf.

Bowser stammered, "I…that…I don't…THAT'S NOT-"

"Teehee, I already knew that, Dear." Peach calmly informed.

Mario sprung in the air towards the turtle-

***Punch!* **

"I didn't-a know!" Mario defensively wrestled with Bowser on the floor.

"It AINT TRUE!" The Koopa denied.

"I already knew that. I played Paper Mario." R.O.B. complained.

Master Hand shrugged, tossing the diary back in the box. "Oh wellz. Who says some of you ish only being blackmailed for _one _ting?"

"What's his other secret?" Pit fluttered over the box.

Before Master Hand could look in the box, a tiny purple Pikmin sprung out squeaking, "Eeei!"

"Huh? Whatz that doing in here-?"

"Petunia!" Olimar outstretched his arms, skipping towards the Pikmin. The Pikmin girlishly lept into his arms, they hugged tightly.

"Oh I rememberz." He pointed at them. "You ish in an unauthorized relationship with tha purple Pikmin!"

"You just don't understand our love!!" Olimar sobbed. "It's complicated."

"A plant, he loves? Awkward, that is."

"Ooh, eeh." ("What a freak.")

_No wonder he keeps going back to that planet. _

"We kept it a secret for years. But somehow Crazy Hand found out, threatening to tell my commander…it would ruin us both. The Pikmin will never accept me as one of them."

"Dude, it's a plant."

Olimar snarled at Ike, "She's more human than you'll ever be!"

Fox rolled his eyes. "Anyway, I want to hear someone else's secret."

"Yea." Others nodded.

"Let's find yours Fox since you ish so excited." He turned back to the box, only seconds later he was surrounded by a blue haze. The box snatched from his hands, and Sonic held it high above his head across the room.

"Heh. I think you've had enough fun for one day."

"Hey!" People protested.

"This ish your way of keeping _your _secrets, Sonic tha Hedgehog?"

"No way. It's not about that."

"Reeeally? Than you wont minds if I expose your secret."

Sonic shrugged nonchalantly, "Go ahead and try. But I've got all the goods right here." He teetered the box side to side.

Master Hand held out one of Sonic's gold rings. "Ish that sos?"

Sonic gulped.

"Does anyone knows why Sonic ish tha fastest hedgehog in tha world? Or why he ish tha _only _fastest animal eva?"

Sonic flinched.

"Never thought of that." Fox pondered.

"Eeh, ooh." ("That's not fair.") Diddy pouted.

"He's fast because he's blue. All cool things are blue." Falco concluded.

"Then why he ish so dependent on these rings?"

"Why that?" Luigi asked.

Sonic dropped the box.

"Shimple." He snapped the ring in half. Various pills different sizes and colors fell to the carpet.

"Bastard!" Sonic screamed, scrambling to pick up the pills.

"He ish on steroids." He nodded towards the frantic Sonic.

The others gasped.

"Like, what a let down." Marth sighed.

_Some hero._

"Awww, Yoshi…"

"That's twisted." Snake said.

Gannondorf muttered, "Damn. A Steroid Sonic."

Sonic shot him a glare with red eyes and a foaming mouth, "ITS NOT STERIODS- JUST A PERFORMANCE ENHANCER!!!!"

The look made Ganondorf's eye twitch.

Poke'mon Trainer wondered to where the box hand landed upside down. On the ground a few photos were spread out, face down. He curiously picked one up, turning it over. He gagged. "What the--!?"

Pikachu peered at the picture also. "…Pika!"

"What ish it?" 

"Pikachu grabbed the paper, taking it to Master Hand. "Pii!"

"Ah yesh, Roy's picture."

"What's it of?" Others tried to see. Roy snatched the photo away, tearing it to shreds.

"You knows I has copies." Master Hand pulled out 5 more.

"I knew that genius. I choose to expose myself."

"Cover your eyes Zelda!" Link protectively blinds her.

"Don't do that, there are women present!" Snake warned.

"You dolts. Not _that _kind of expose!"

"OooOOooh," Marth giggled, "Finally I get to know what your blackmail is Roy."

Roy sighed heavily. He stood up straight, standing directly in front of Marth. "For once, SHUT UP."

"Like, way harsh. You're always such a buzz kill."

"BECAUSE," Roy shouted, "I think you're dumbest and least ugly prince in all of Altea!"

Marth blinked, utterly confused. "Umm, I'm like the onlyprince of Altea-"

"See? Even now you are so annoyingly aggravating it's making me INSANE."

"Are you gonna insult me all day or tell me something I like don't already know?"

"I'm getting to the point."

"Way to totally take all day-"

"MORON, I LOVE YOU!" Roy courageously announces. He grasps the prince roughly by the shoulders, closing his sapphire eyes, cheeks as red as his wild hair, and lips puckered out drawing closer and closer to Marth's until they finally met-

***CLONK!***

-Marth's golden tiara. "Ow!"

Marth slinked away, prancing around the room squawking, "-Roy like, LIKES me!!"

Some sat with mouths gapped open. Some simply laughed as Marth continued to freak out. Others watched Roy rub his bruised lip. One sat in the corner gobbling pills.

"_Roy and Marth sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!_"

"Aww, how absolutely lovely."

"Disturbing, that information about Roy, is."

Olimar smirked, "And you judged my love life."

"I guess love is weird like that." Samus shrugged.

"Dude, I had no idea you felt that way." Ike supportively slung an arm around Roy.

Roy shrugged him off. "Oh really? Maybe that's why I was being _blackmailed_."

"You're right!" Ike smiled. Roy sat back down, pouting like a spoiled little boy.

"Falcon, has to take, a, major toilet clogging, shit."

"Uh, the bathroom is attached to the staircase Falcon" Zelda instructed.

'Falcon, will make sure to, use the, toilet plunger." He posed his way out the room.

"What is wrong with you people?" Wolf moaned .

"**Ima hungry.**" Kirby bit Roy's foot.

The frustrated red head flung him away, sending him flying across the room. He landed safely on Luigi.

Luigi slid forward from the impact. He landed face forward on the floor.

"**Fuuuuuuuuuuun!**" He rolled off Luigi.

"Ooooooooooooh…" Luigi groaned. He lifted his face up, a photo stuck on his long nose. He peeled it off. "G-g-g…gaaaaah~!!!!"

"Whoha, Wario look too." Wario took he picture. His eyes popped out their sockets. "WOW."

"Ish that another picture of Roy?"

Ganondorf stole the picture next, exclaiming, "**Damn! **It's Samus and Snake!!"

"Nooooo!" Samus screamed, racing over to him. "Don't look, don't look!"

Bowser held the picture to the light, "Dang. I thought she hated Snake."

"Are you sure that's real…real?"

Snake rested his hands behind his neck. "Yup. That's me and Samus."

"N-no it's not-"

"Dude, that's not fair, we had dibs!" Ike whined.

"Hey-give me that-its private-"

"Ahhh, eeeh!" ("She's hot!")

_We…we shouldn't be looking at this. _Yet he didn't divert his eyes.

"Now that is an excellent blackmail picture." R.O.B. evaluated.

Pit looked at the picture, totally mystified, "What are they doing and where is Samus' shirt?"

"I think it's time we've had a little talk." Snake pulled the angel beside him.

"This picture isn't real. It never, ever happened."

Snake loudly whispered, "It happened a week ago."

"No it was seven months ago, Stupid."

"I thought it never happened?"

"…CURSE YOU!" Samus whacked Snake on the head.

"Why did you take pictures if you hated him?" Link examined the photo, blushing slightly. Zelda jealously grabbed it.

"I didn't know he took pictures. The pervert-!" Samus hit Snake again.

"She said it would only be a 'one time' thing." Snake explained. "And I wanted to enjoy it as long as I could."

"But…NO one can get into that position…" Zelda said.

"Sure they can." Snake grabbed her, laying her on the couch to demonstrate.

"Get offme!"

"Falcon, **SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!!!!**"

Everyone froze. Moments later they finally realized that Captain Falcon was not in the room.

"He went out to the bathroom." Zelda remembered.

"Oh no, what if he's getting killed?!"

"Yoshi!"

"We should help him." Poke'mon Trainer sighed, getting up.

"To tha bathroom!" Master Hand led the way.

_Sneaky Kitty: So what's Captain Falcon's deal? What happened to his peaceful trip to the bathroom? Next chapter will tell you, plus the mystery deepens when an unexpected visitor arrives at the mansion. _

_=/ Okay so honestly, I don't really like this chapter. The blackmails were pretty lame, but I couldn't really think of anything better. Or the really good ones I did think of (OR ones people suggested) will work WAY better if revealed later in the story. More secrets still get revealed later. I kind of rushed this chapter, I'm eager to move on to some of my favorite parts._

_. I apologize if you dislike the blackmails too. In the future I hope I can revise this a bit with better material. Ah, for now, onward with the story!!_

_Thanks again to all those who review~! You're comments really help. 3_


	5. Everything's Alright

Chapter 5: Everything's Alright

In a perfect unordered fashion, all the Smashers stumbled out the room into the foyer.

"Falcon, still **SCREAMIIIIING!!!!**"

"We ish on our way-OHmigosh!!!" Master Hand stopped in his tracks. The others behind crashed into him. They moved around him staring in disbelief.

Crazy Hand's enormous body clobbered the poor Captain. Falcon flailed helplessly under the suffocating weight.

"Falcon, needs **HELLLLLLLP!!!**"

"Aiiiie ah!" ("Him again!")

"Chu- **he's effin molesting him**!"

"Somebody do something!"

"Falcon: in **PERIL!!**"

"Hiii-ya!" Samus heroically charged towards Crazy Hand. She jumped in the air karate kicking him off Captain Falcon. The hand soared through the air before plummeting to the ground with a large crash. He landed palm up, not flinching or making a sound.

"Falcon, GREATLY thanks you, female warrior." He flips in the air, landing before her. He pulls her against him, tenderly kissing her.

"Whoa, whoa!" Snake snatches her away. "That's mine!"

"Falcon, only showing his, thanks."

"N-no problem." Samus dreamily replied, cheeks turning light pink.

"Samus, how COULD you!" Snake whined.

"Nevamind that." Master Hand flicked them aside, going to Crazy Hand.

"He's not moving…moving."

"That doesn't mean anything. Yo, one of you check." Ganondorf booted Meta Knight towards the hand.

"Aaaaargh!" Meta Knight flung in the air, landing on the hand. Crazy Hand only moved from the sudden impact, then returned to his motionless state.

Meta Knight quickly squirmed off of him and back to Ganondorf. "You're head, I should **take off**!"

"Go ahead and try shorty. How was Crazy Hand?"

"Dead again, he is."

"Again??"

"This is getting old." Roy sighed.

"Ooooh…" Pit dizzily flapped in the air.

"He's gonna faint ya'll." Bowser pointed.

"Catch him!" Ness yelled. Pit slurred slowly.

"I got him, I got him." Poke'mon Trainer outsreteched his arms, "Fall into my arms like a graceful little angel."

***Crash!***

Pit collapsed on the hard wooden floor. The others rolled their eyes at Poke'mon Trainer. He stared at the lopsided Pit. "…That was an accident!"

"Poor little guy." Peach rushed over gathering Pit in her arms.

Master Hand tugged on Wolf, "Help me turn him overs."

Wolf and Ike obeyed, each grabbing a side of him and turning him over.

"Wolf…" Fox warned.

"Kinda busy."

"You've got blood on you're hands."

"What?!" Wolf noticed his red colored paw. The others froze, glaring at him.

"I-I didn't do it!" He went into the bathroom scrubbing his hands.

"It wasn't hims. Crazy Hand got hitz with someting." He pointed to the bash imprint on Crazy Hand's back. He then lifted one of the lifeless fingers, watching it effortlessly falling to he ground. "Well, he ish certainly dead nao."

"You mean hit with something like that?" Sonic sprung in the air, bouncing off people's heads like stepping stones until he reached the broad bathroom doorway. He pointed to the silver candle stick sitting there.

_That would work pretty good._

"This is like crazy. Who would want totally kill him twice?"

"Dude, that's what we call overkill."

"That's-a what we call psychotic."

"Unless he was not 100 percent dead the first time." R.O.B. theorized.

"Wahaha, what the big difference?"

"That'sh what we're trying to figurez out!" Master Hand snapped, shooing Wario away. "We needs to know _who_ ish killing people and howz!"

"Gaa!" Luigi grabbed his ears shuddering, "No shout please."

"IM NOT SHOUTINGZ!!!"

"……" The others were unconvinced.

"Alright, I ISH! I SHOUTING! SHOUTING, SHOUT-"

***Bonk!***

Master Hand fell to the ground. The frightened Smashers scattered away frantically. The only sound was Sonic's laughter bouncing off the walls. Curiously, Kirby poked looked down from the chandler he had floated up to.

"**…Shiny.**" Kirby landed behind the passed out hand, holding up the candle stick to the light.

"Man you guys are waaaaaaaay to easy to scare, hahaha!" Sonic continued laughing.

"Very funny Sonic. What did you knock him out for?!" Link screetched.

"I didn't touch it. It fell off when he was shouting. You're face was priceless! Haha-Ouch!"

"Yoshi, yo!" Yoshi aimed another green spotted egg at Sonic.

"He's right, what a jerk." Olimar piped.

"For a _hedgehog_, he's pretty _smooth_, isn't he Fox? Get it?? He has quills, he pulled a sly prank-Harhaha."

"…Falco, just stfu."

"Pikaaaaaa?" He nudged Master Hand.

"Let's throw 'em in the lounge." Bowser decided. "Midgets, get the bodies."

"Awwww…" Smashers struggled to pick up both of the massive hands. Lucas and Ness playfully climbed on each of the hands.

"I bet my hand will be your hand in a race." Ness challenged.

Lucas straddled the other hand like a horse. "Nuh-uh, mine will win. Go Crazy Hand!"

"This isn't a game." Samus ordered.

"You're just worried you'll lose." Snake said.

"…Bring it on!" Samus and Snake competitively raced with the others struggling to run under the weight of the hands.

"A good idea, this is not-"

"RUN FASTER!" Samus commanded.

"Look out!" Poke'mon Trainer warned too late.

Samus' team, carrying Master Hand, accidentally slammed into the side of the doorway. They all tumbled over one another, seconds later Snake's team tripping over them.

"Owwww…" The crushed players moaned.

A small child's leg wiggled from the pile, tapping his tennis shoe inside the room. "I beat you Ness! Loser team carries both bodies in!"

"Shuddup damn brats!!" Ganondorf barked.

As the little boys agreed, the loosing team dragged the bodies in the lounge, resting Crazy Hand on one of the couches. Peach fetched Master Hand an ice pack, resting it on the new injury on his back. Sonic walked in, twirling around the candle stick before chucking it on the table beside a pile of other weapons. Some people started pacing the room or rocking foot to foot.

Wolf entered last, "So, which one of you did it this time?"

"Way to totally like, exclude yourself." Marth wagged a finger at him.

"Hell YES I'm excluding myself, I _didn't _do it!"

"Eeeh, oooh." ("That's what they all say.") DK mumbled.

"Who had the candle stick?" Poke'mon Trainer asked.

"King-a Dedede. I saw it-a."

"_I, I say, I dropped it on the ground, ground, ground._"

"Falcon thinks: that confession will, get us, nowhere."

"Why don't we ask who picked it back up? Then we'll know who the killer is, heehee."

"………" They thought it better to ignore her.

Master Hand stood up, keeping his ice pack steady. "I haves a idea." He went around the room gathering all the weapons.

_Do tell, preferably before someone else dies._

"All tha weapons ish still lying around. If we put thems away, no one else can be killedz."

"That makes perfect sense." R.O.B. agreed. "But where are they going?"

"In herez." Master Hand opened a large cabinet. He shoved all the weapons inside before closing the doors and holding up an old rusted key. "Thish key locks tha cabinet, so no one can get weaponsh."

"Yoshiii?"

"Yea, what about the key…key?"

"It ish in my pocket."

"Why do you get it?" Fox pointed.

"Cuz then I knowz I ish safe."

"Hey, what if you're the killer??" Fox yelled.

"I ish not."

"That's _real _believable." Roy shot.

"I ish'nt."

"But what if ya are, ya finger freak?!"

"Well tha key has to be put somewheres!"

A loud crack of thunder shook the house violently, followed by a clash of lightning. Pit and Luigi yelped, diving under the table.

"S-such a s-scary s-s-storm." Pit stumbled, hugging Luigi.

"Falcon has, new mission: throw key outside."

"Smart plan, stupid man, haha!" Wario chuckled.

"That ish perfect." Master Hand nodded.

"Yo, get on with it _fool!_" Gannondorf pulled Master Hand out the room.

"Yeah!" They cheered. All of them went to the front door. Master Hand held the key, Link opened the front door, "Now throw the key-"

"Oh my gosh-HIYA GUYS!!!" A shrill high pitched voice called.

Link twitched, his face twisted in a horrified expression. Slowly his eyes settled down on…himself.

Well, the toon version of himself.

"Oh no." Link said.

"Oh no." Zelda said.

"Oh noez." Master Hand said.

"_Oh YEAH!!!_" King Dedede shouted, holding a pitcher of red Kool-aid.

Toon Link hopped excitedly up and down. "Link! I didn't know you were here-what are you doing here-oooh who else is there-where are we anyway?-IS THAT A PARTY?!"

Link slammed the door. "This can't be happening."

"Like, what the heck was that all about?"

"Issues with himself, Link does have."

"Ahh, eeeiii?" ("Did he throw the key?")

"No, and I am not opening that door again." Link pushed against the door as it rattled from the pounding fists on the other side.

***Smack!***

DK sent Link flying back. "AH, AH!" ("Idiot!") He opened the door, shoving Master Hand onto the porch. Toon Link bounced inside.

"Woooooooooow-look at this place-its so big-really really big-what you guys doing?-Link, you got a BIG KNOT ON YOUR HEAD!"

"I hadn't noticed." Link said, face still smeared on the ground.

"Linky hon, did you get lost again?" Zelda asked the hyper toon.

Linky (aka Toon Link) froze in a midair jump. His little eyes turned into two plump red hearts when he recognized her voice. He swirled around attaching himself to Zelda's bare legs. "Zelda-OH Zelda-is it really you?-oh my goooooosh-yes it is-you look so pretty-IM SO HAPPY!"

"Uhh, that's good." Zelda pats his head.

Linky rubbed his face against her legs some more. He then looked up beaming, about to speak, until he realized he could see straight up her super short maid costume. He blushed madly stammering, "I-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh---"

Link noticed this, angrily grabbing Linky by his shirt, dangling him in the air. "Toon…me…version…thing………What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Oooh-you want to hear my story-weeeeeeellllllll-my ship broke-I was on my way somewhere-and then it was-oh my gosh didn't see that giant rock right there-then I go crash-then I see this house-this creepy house here-I need help-knock knock-LINK!!"

"Fantastic." Link dropped his littler self on the ground.

"I need a phone-to call my house-I left my invitation at home-so I cant tell my friend I'll be late-and I need a new ship-I love my ship-phone?-I NEED PHONE!"

"Ofcourse you can use tha phonez, Linky."

"Cooooooool-thanks giant hand-are you really a giant hand-WHERE IS IT?"

"What? Tha body?"

"No silly-the phone-the ringy phone-what body-somebody else-BODY?"

"There ish no body! No body in tha lounge."

"NO!!" The others screamed.

"But, there ish a phone in tha study."

"Awesome-you have a study-I want to see the study-I don't like to study-WHICH WAY?"

"I will shows you." Master Hand headed to the room between the lounge and billboard room.

Linky sprung up, wrapping his arms and legs around Zelda's torso, head resting between her breasts. "Zelda-my sweet Zelda-you smell like cake!-I need to use phone-then I will go home-where's Master Hand going?-I wanna go too-but I will MISS YOU!!"

Link snapped. He pulled off one of R.O.B.'s arms, simultaneously grabbing hold of Linky. He threw him up in the air, swinging R.O.B.'s arm like a baseball bat. Linky flew down the hallway, Master Hand catching him in his palm.

"Strike one!" Falco called.

"That is my arm you bastard!" R.O.B. robotically cursed.

"Sorry." Link apologized.

"If you'd be so kindz, stay in tha study until your new ship comes." Master Hand flung Linky into the study. He shut the door then locked it.

"Unexpected, unpleasurable, that was." Meta Knight rubbed his head.

"Damn, it's like I'm on crazy pills." Ganondorf rubbed his head also.

"What happened to the key?" Olimar asked.

"It ish in my pocket. Still wantz me to throw it out?"

"Dude, do it now!!"

"Alright I ish!" Master Hand went through the open front door. He pulled the key from his pocket, throwing it with all his might. They watched it sail far out of sight. Master Hand went back into the house, shutting the door tight.

_Glad that's over. What should we do now? _

"Figure out-a what to do with the-a bodies."

"Awwww, do we have to?" Ness and Lucas complained.

"**Imma hungry!**" Kirby looked for someone to bite.

"This would be an absolute lovely tea time!" Peach said in a sweet tone.

"Okay." The others shrugged.

"Goody goody!" Peach skipped ahead into the kitchen.

Before following, Snake poked his head into the lounge.

"Piii?"

"Just checking."

"Everything alright?" Pit questioned.

"Yup. Two corpses. Everything's fine."

"What a relief!"

The three of them walked to the kitchen. By the time they got their, Peach was already zipping around the kitchen baking goods and preparing tea kettles. The other Smashers leisurely sat the floor or on unused counter space.

"Keep 'em comin' Babe. We need bout 30 dozen more cookies!" Bowser ordered, mouth stuffed with cookies.

"**More yum-yums!**" Kirby called.

"Awwwwh, there's no boogers in my tea, wahahar!" Wario cackled.

"She always offers tea at the perfect time." Fox contently sipped.

"Like, this tea is to die for." Marth smiled, leaning on Ike.

"Dude, watch what you say before it happens."

"Falcon needs: a refill."

"Cake please…please?"

"Some organic fuel would be nice, for all the non humans here."

"Mmm, black coffee, just the way I like it." Samus swooned.

King Dedede, (having resisted the urge to burst out in song long enough) tore off his red cape revealing a glittery silver sequenced outfit. A disco ball fell from the ceiling as everyone stared at him with interest. He turned his back to the crowd, tapping his foot, "3…2…1…_Hit it!_"

Music flooded the room, the king swinging his hips in perfect rhythm. He spun around flinging out disco moves singing:

"_That's the way-_

_Uh huh, Uh huh-_

_I like it!!_

_Uh huh, uh huh!_

_That's the way-_

_Uh huh, Uh huh-_

_I like it!!_

_Uh huh, uh huh!_

_When you take me,_

_By the hand,_

_Tell me I'm-_

_You're lucky man!!-"_

"Bird is singing, dammit, again." Meta Knight arose.

Master Hand pressed a finger on him. "Leave himz alone. They need some fun. Anyways, this might bez tha last time we have a party before tha killer kills ush." He jokingly pushed Meta Knight, before dancing with King Dedede. "Evaryting's alright!"

_

* * *

_

Sneaky Kitty: So Crazy Hand is dead…again! Toon Link is helplessly hyper and locked in the mansion now while the Smashers unwind with a tea party. Next chapter Snake comes up with a plan to catch the killer, but there is a slight risk involved that everyone must accept.

_MIGHT throw in a few more secrets…I forgot to add some in this one like I intended too…opps! Well, I still need more good secrets anyway. If you still have ideas, tell me I'd love to hear them! _

_To the reviews…you guys rock socks! Thank you!!_

_I'm glad the accents seem to be popular…even though it all started from a typo I did while typing one of Master Hand's lines XD Best typo eva._

_Song: "That's the Way (I Like It)" by Spin Doctors _


	6. Operation Hiss

Chapter 6: Operation Hiss

After the Smasher's little excitement settled back down to reality, the mood shifter to a serious tone once again. The grins soon faded, eyes becoming heavy and lost. Pit tapped the white hand's finger. "Ma-master Hand? Are we the only ones in the house?"

"Noez."

"No we're not the only ones?" Fox interrupted.

"Sorry, I meanz no as in yesh."

_No as in yes?? Is there someone in the house or isn't there, yes or no?_

"Noez."

_No there is or no there isn't?_

"Uh, yesh?"

_Yes there isn't???_

"STOP!" Samus smashed her plate to the floor. "Don't you think we should be worrying about Linky finding out what's going on here?"

"I say we throw him out." Link suggested.

"Won't-a that make him-a suspicious?"

"More suspicious he gets, if he stays."

"Dude, he should already be suspicious…"

"Pika- who **effin cares**?!"

R.O.B.'s mechanical volume blasted, "He is right. We should worry about the Two Dead Bodies IN THE STUDY!"

"SHHHHH!" The others piled on the robot, attempting to quiet him.

"We will neva get anywhere at this rate…"

"Not true, I have an idea." Snake heroically stood on top of the counter. "We handle this like soldiers, split up into teams, search the house. This is called Operation Hiss."

"Split up…up?"

"But Dude, bad things always happen when people split up!"

"We have to do something, stop being a blue haired chicken." Snake commanded.

"What if one of us is teamed up with the killer?" Olimar struggled to see over the counter's edge.

Snake shrugged, "That is a risk I'm willing to take."

"Who knows how many casualties there could be!" Fox slammed his fist on the granite counter top.

"This is war Fox, casualties are inevitable."

_True. You can not make an omelet without breaking eggs, as every cook says._

"But look what happened to the cook!!" Poke'mon Trainer freaked out.

"It ish bettar than just sitting here."

"Falcon: agrees with psychotic solider man. Deaths, will help discover, the killer for sure!"

"The idea is logical. There is a 44% chance we will all survive." R.O.B. calculated.

"Nothing better to do." Roy grumbled.

"Oooh, eeh." ("Let's get this over with.")

"Okies. We ish going tooz split up."

"Pikaaa, chu?"

"We should-a pick teams some random way-a."

"I don't want to be with the killer." Pit begun to lightly sob.

Ness and Lucas linked arms speaking in unison, "I wanna be with him."

"Let's make a Scooby-Doo team! I'm Freddy since I am extremely handsome and smart, Peach can be Daphne, Samus: Velma, Ike: Shaggy, and Wolf can be the stupid dog." Falco glowed with determination.

The others watched Wolf's whole body heat up. His fur spiked out and face turning beat red. He busted into flames, charging at the hysterically laughing bird. "Damn bird--!"

Moments later, Wolf laughed along with everyone except Falco. Falco helplessly wiggled beneath the layers and layers of duct tape strapped across his body that clung him tightly to the wooden chair.

"Ya'know Falco, silence may be golden but duct tape is silver." Wolf grinned.

"Anywayz, we should have four teams since there ish four floors. I needs four peoples to be team captains-"

"Captain Falcon: nominates!"

"_Oh I just can't wait to be king!_" King Dedede stepped forward.

"I'm the lord of evil, yo. I gotta be a captain."

"I'm more evil than ya."

"It should be-a me, Mario. I'm-a hero."

"I'm the fastest animal in the world, I get a shot."

"A shot of more steroids?" Roy accused.

Numerous Smashers volunteered for the positions, which led them no where. "We will settle this like men," Link ordered, his fist held high in the air. "In 3, 2, 1…"

"ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS!" All of them shouted, throwing down their choices.

They mumbled among themselves, "Paper beats scissors." "Rock does moron." "Bowser, you cheated!" "You can only use _one _hand Diddy." "Out who is???"

Master Hand loudly called over them all, "This ish too much! Captain Falcon, King Dedede, Bowser, and Ganondorf are tha captains since they asked first. As for deciding their membars, they will pull names out ofz a hat." He briefly went out of the room, then returned with an old library book. Evaryone write your name a piece of paper. We needs a hat."

The hurried guests did as they were told. When everyone's paper was folded, Kirby went before Master Hand. He coughed once, before belching up a giant plastic bowl. "**Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaat.**" Kirby proudly grinned.

One by one Master Hand's plan followed through. Each captain pulled one name out of the hat until there was none left. The final results were:

King Dedede's Team:

Samus, Yoshi, Wolf, Ike, Lucario, Snake, Master Hand, Lucas.

Ganondorf's Team:

Marth, Zelda, Diddy, Wario, Fox, Olimar, Ness, Ice Climbers.

Captain Falcon's Team:

Luigi, Mario, Pikachu, Link, Roy, R.O.B., Pit.

Bowser's Team:

Peach, Kirby, Sonic, Falco, Meta Knight, DK, Poke'mon Trainer.

"Bwaha, looks like it's you and me Honey Bunch!" Bowser sneered at Peach.

"Teehee! You only wish you silly, silly Koopa."

"Yaaay, I with bro." Luigi glomped his sibling.

DK smothered Diddy in a gorilla hug. "Eeei….eeei." ("When you die, I'll take care of your girlfriend.")

"Ahhh, eeei!" ("What does that mean?!")

"Marth, if I don't survive…" Roy started.

"Like I already know, you _love _me. Which still creeps me out-"

"I want you to know you're still an idiot." Roy quickly squeezed his "love" before walking off. Marth freaked out same as before. "Ohmygosh Roy still like-LIKES me~!"

Ike laughed in the background, holding his camera phone. "Dude, that is so going on YouTube."

Snake hugged his love, "Samus, we're on the same team. That is destiny saying you belong with me baby!"

"Shoot me!!!" Samus pleaded to the sky.

"Noa, each team will take a separate floor, starting-"

"Heeeeeeeeeey-before you guys go-where are you going?-can I go?-I'm hungry-the study is full of paper-and paper is not yummy-CAN I HAVE FOOD?"

The Smash crowd gasped to see Linky amidst them. The little toon stood with big curious eyes scanning the kitchen, his mouth drooling at left over goodies Peach had cooked.

"How…wha…when…What are you doing here _now_?!" Link yapped.

"I'm hungry-don't you get hungry-I know I do-so you do too-ooooh is that cookies?-can I have one-or two-five-ten?-PLEASE?"

"If I get you food, you have to stay in the study for the rest of the time, got it?"

"Yes-I will do anything for food-I like milk especially-is that food-do you have that food-have you ever had that food Zelda?-ZELDA!" He once again tackled the off guard elf. He clung to her like he did before, wrapped around her torso. Link gritted his teeth, throwing food into the giant bowl Kirby had barfed up.

"My lovely Zelda-look Link got me food-you're so soft-can't I go with you-pleeeeeease?-or will you join me Zelda-he gave me COOKIES!"

"Maybe some other time. Why don't you-**!** Linky, d-did you just unhook my bra?"

Link pried the toon off Zelda once more, shoving the bowl into his stubbier arms. "Now, you're going back into that study."

"Letsh all make sure he ish in tha study." Master Hand suggested. With Link and Linky leading the way, they started filing out the kitchen.

King Dedede, observing the dramatic difference between Link and his other version, pulled out his banjo:

"_Linky and the Link._

_The Linky and the Link._

_Yes, Linky and the Link._

_One is a genius _

_The other's insane!_

_They're two elven versions too _

_Their DNA has proved_

_They're dinky_

_The Linky and the Link, Link, Link, Link-"_

"Thanks for the theme song King D, but you can shut up now!" Link furiously kicked Linky into the room. "Now, stay in here."

Master Hand hurried over, wrapping chains and more locks across the door handles. When satisfied, he snapped his fingers. "That'sh gonna hold him."

"It'll be too soon before I see his ugly face again." Link moped.

"But, his face is the same as yours!" Lucas laughed along with the other kids.

"Orda kiddies. Time to start Oparation Hiss. Bowser, your team ish in tha basement. Ganondorf you has tha main floor. King Dedede takes the second floor, and Captain Falcon ish in tha attic…Good lucksh."

The Smashers hastily glanced at one another, before slowly grouping off into their assigned team, heading towards their specific searching area. Zelda pointed Bowser to the basement door, located behind the bathroom. Master Hand led King Dedede's team up the stairs were there were six different rooms. He pointed Captain Falcon's team to the far right corner, where behind a door the attic stairway started.

Captain Falcon salutes to the retreating hand, before triumphantly swinging the door open, revealing a steep black staircase, leading up to a pool of blackness. Falcon stood motionless, before shoving Luigi infront of him. "Falcon, will protect, our rear. Plummer men, go up spooky staircase first."

"Gaaah! So dark~!" Luigi howled.

Mario shoved his brother up the first step. "You-a heard him."

Luigi moved up the first six steps. Somehow his other team mates managed to nudge themselves into the little space enough for Captain Falcon to close the door behind them. They stood in the dark. Although now they could notice how long the staircase was, and at the top lightning flashed. Thunder rattled the house.

"Pii?"

"I going." Luigi stood still. It would be a while before any of them decided to move.

_In the Basement…_

"Yeee-OUCH!" Falco screeched.

Bowser tried to wave the piece of duct tape off his finger, "I only did that so I could hear if someone was killin' ya."

Falco rubbed his stinging mouth, "For a turtle, you're pretty snappy. You must be a snapping turtle-"

"I ain't a-"

"Give it up guys." Sonic pushed the two apart. "We haven't ever gone in the place yet."

"Right, he is. Our searching, right away we should get to." Meta Knight. Peach, and Kirby peered once again down the basement staircase. Even from the top stair, the basement seemed damp and dark. Peach crinkled her face.

"What's wrong midgets? Scared of somethin' worse than death?"

"Heehee no dear, just death." Peach informed.

"**…Fire!**" Kirby clapped. He lit a match then swallowed it whole. His skin turned completely red, and he grew hair of flames on top of his head.

"Woooow, he evolved!" Poke'mon Trainer excitedly chucked a ball at Kirby. The ball merely smacked the little puff ball across the face. Unaffected by the blow, Kirby begun playfully blowing smoke rings out his mouth.

"Eeeik, ooh!" ("He's not a Poke'mon you idiot!")

"Enough stupidness, stupids. Ya'll start headin' down the stairs."

_On the 2__nd__ Floor…_

Kind Dedede plucked his banjo, instructing his crew. _"Eeinie, meenie, minee, moe! Split up again is the way to go! In pairs, four rooms will be covered, once done come here to meet one another." _

"Yoshiii? Yo,yoshi."

Lucas jumped on the dino's back. "We're going to the room over there." They pointed to the room furthest in the left corner."

"We'll take the one next to it." Wolf declared, Ike following him.

_And the next one, Master Hand and I shall go._

"Does that mean…" Samus' face fell.

"Me and you all alone!" Snake's mouth open, drooling like a dog.

"_Wrong, I'm in this pair, so don't you dare._" King Dedede pulled them into the fourth room, doorway closest to the main stairway. All three of them went

inside, frantically searching for some sort of light.

_On the Main Floor…_

Down below, Ganondorf's team performed a similar strategy. He too had grouped everyone off into pairs to search the four rooms: dining room, kitchen, ballroom, and conservatory. They were to meet in the foyer when they were done to do the other rooms.

"Why do you get to do the kitchen?" Ness moaned.

Ganondorf explained, "Yo, I am the superior leading of this team fool-"

"You want another beer." Olimar concluded.

"Yo, stop crampin' my style! Come on Wario."

"Wahaha!" Wario stuck his tongue at the others.

"Wait! Why do I get all the kids?!" Fox yelled as Nana, Popo, and Ness all tugged him in different directions.

"Deal with it." Ganondorf disappeared behind the kitchen door.

"Curses." Fox hissed. "Let's go."

"We're scared…scared." Nana held onto Fox's tail, Popo held onto Nana, Ness holding onto Popo. Fox tried to ignore how heavy his steps were becoming and hauled them all to the conservatory.

Olimar rode Diddy's shoulder, the little monkey scrambled into the dining room.

Cautiously back to back, Zelda and Marth entered the ballroom. They circled around observing every part of the room.

"Do you like, think everyone will get out of here alive?"

"I don't know for sure…but I hope so. Marth, who do you think can be doing this-"

"Oh!" Marth cried.

"What?!" She twirled around suddenly.

"Oh my gosh he has a piano." Marth girlishly skipped towards the smooth polished wooden piano. He sat on the bench, stretching and cracking his fingers before he lightly tapped a few keys.

Zelda placed a hand on her chest, trying to calm her irregular heartbeat. She leaned on the edge of the piano, intrigued by Marth's hidden skill. "I didn't know you could play."

"There is like, so much you don't know about me Zelda. But we could totally change that." He raised his eyebrows at her suggestively. He started playing a tune that Zelda vaguely remembered from her childhood. Marth stared deep into her blue eyes, singing in a calm voice:

"_I can show you the world_

_Shining, shimmering, splendid-" _

"Marth, you can't be serious-"

"_Tell me, Princess_

_Now when did you last_

_Let your heart decide?"_

"You're just embarrassing yourself-"

"_I can open your eyes_

_Take you wonder by wonder_

_Over, sideways, and under_

_On a magic carpet ride. _

_A whole new WORLD~~~~!"_

***BANG!***

"SHUDDUP this ain't no Disney crapll!!!" Ganondorf banged from the kitchen wall.

"Way to totally ruin my romantic moment." Marth angrily banged the piano shut.

Zelda couldn't help but giggle, sitting herself next to Marth on the small cushioned bench.

Marth blushed, rapidly feeling embarrassed. He nervously scratched the back of his head, "_Sooo_, uh, you like didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"When did you listen to your heart and like not your brain?"

"Oh, that." Zelda didn't notice she wore a weary smile. "The last time I did that was a long time ago. And is now what I'm being blackmailed for…"

"Ouch. Bummer."

Zelda's face looked bewildered. She aimlessly tugged at her maid dress. "W-what did you…do?"

"Uhhh…" Marth became tense, but tried not to show, "Like, I might have had something to do with Roy not competing in Brawl tournaments. You?"

She sighed. After a moment of not answering, her eyes met Marth's full of desperate sadness, "I didn't plan, I only needed that one thing, for myself so I could finally-"

"Stop slacking! My superior team does NOT slack!" Ganondorf boomed from the doorway. His voice made both Zelda and Marth fall off the bench. "Yo, in the foyer, NOW." He cracked his knuckles.

"Stop trying to be a ruler again, GanonDORK." Zelda rushed out of the room.

Marth followed after her, only after receiving a dreadful glare from Ganondorf. "Like, what are you hating on me for?"

"We're switching partners." Ganondorf threw Wario into Marth's chest. Marth fell backwards once again.

"Wahaha! Loser man, we together!" Wario laughed, sitting on Marth.

"Like, hurray."

_

* * *

_

Sneaky Kitty: Sucks for you Marth! So, Operation Hiss has started. What will happen as they slowly explore the mysterious mansion? Will the killer strike again? How long will poor Linky be locked in that room?! We shall see…

_As usual, I greatly thank my reviewers :D _

_Always gives me determination to write more! So yay for you guys!!_

_Songs: "The Pinky and The Brain" Opening Theme_

"_A Whole New World" from Aladdin _


	7. Mass Hysteria

Sooo yea this took me WAY too long to update. XD;; soo much going on, and kinda forgot about it and at one point i wanted to stop. But, I think i want to just finish it. I hate reading stories and never find out the ending! Well, anywhoo~  
Blah blah, I don't own the characters or the movie its based off as we all know. Now back to the story!

* * *

Chapter 7: Mass Hysteria

_Outside the Mansion…_

Thunder still roared and lightning still crackled, without any sign of letting up. Down the road, a car slowly traveled. When lightning struck, the driver of the car noticed something odd to the side of the road. He pulled over, grabbing his umbrella. Stepping outside the car and looking back, the driver discovered a wooden ship that had been wrecked by a giant rock. "Strange…" The driver though. He called for someone, but got no answer. He figured the owner of the ship must've gone for help. The driver remembered there was an old mansion up ahead. Since the driver happened to be a policeman, he felt compelled to offer aid to the ship owner. He got in his car, humming a little tune, and headed towards the mansion.

_

* * *

_

Back Inside…

"This is exactly how I wanted to spend my night, pressed up against a bunch of sweaty cowardly guys in a dark room." Roy huffed, trying to pry the shaking Pit off his face. All his teammates were still stationed at the bottom of the attic staircase.

Link shifted away, "Is that sarcasm? Because I thought you liked guys and all…"

"Falcon purposes: someone should move."

"We have spent ten minutes and twenty-seven seconds being motionless." R.O.B. calculated.

"I'll go. Just not first." Pit volunteered, yet he still clung to Roy.

"Its-a Luigi who won't move."

"I-I go-going."

"You said that ten minutes and twenty-seven seconds ago."

"Actually now it has been ten minutes and fifty-"

"Pikachu!" Frustrated he shoved those ahead of him.

"Hey, knock it off!" Link whined. But Pikachu didn't stop, slowly he managed to push everyone up the stairs. At the stop of the stair case they all stepped out into the creaking attic floor.

"That wasn't so-a bad."

"Falcon, does not understand why, you all are such, cowards."

"Hahahaha!" An unfamiliar voice chimed.

"…W-who that?"

"Heeheeeheee!" A ghost popped infront of Luigi. Behind him, more ghosts, also known as Boos, appeared with wide fanged grins. One playful little Boo stuck out his tongue, licking Luigi across the face.

"Gah-ga-ga-ga-"

"Gyaaaaaaaaah~!" The whole team screamed. Luigi ran into Mario, causing the them all to crash down the stairs.

From the bottom of the pile, Roy grumbled, "Best night ever."

_

* * *

_

On the Second Floor…

In one of the large upstairs bedrooms, Samus fumbled in the dark room, looking for any sort of light source. Snake crept close behind her.

"Samus, it's dark and we're all alone." He whispered in her ear.

"Exactly why I'm trying to find some light."

"Don't you have a flashlight?"

"Yea, in my back pocket. I'm just looking for a light switch so I can spend more time with you." She rolled her eyes.

Snake caressed her rear, "Hey, you don't have any back pockets."

"Snake!" She squealed, elbowing his lip. "That wasn't an invitation to search me!"

"You're a tough chick, you know that?" He rubbed his bruised lip. "But you don't know what you're missing out on. Hit it, King Dedede, just like we rehearsed!"

King Dedede jumped behind him with a guitar, "3, 2, 1!" He strummed out a tune that's all too familiar to Samus. She shook her head groaning, "Not again…"

Snake stripped his clothes, revealing a leopard print leotard. He grabs a microphone and starts to pelvic thrust singing:

"_I'm_

_Too sexy for my shirt,_

_Too sexy for my shirt,_

_So sexy_

_It HURTS-"_

-Samus throws her boot at his crouch-

"_**OuuucH**__!"_

"You said 'it hurts'." Samus stomped out the room.

"Samus, forgive me!" Snake called.

"_It's too late to apologize, its too laaaaaaaaaaaaate!_" King Dedede sang.

_

* * *

_______________

In the Basement…

Falco held a stick full of marshmallows over Kirby's fiery hair. "Order up."

"Teehee, thank you." Peach accepted another smore.

"**'Smellow.**" Kirby asked for more.

"Looking for clues, shouldn't we be?"

"There's nothing down here but junk."

"Ahh ee, ooh." ("You didn't even look, Trainer.")

"Where's the giant bad attitude turtle?" Sonic continuously jumped over Kirby's fire.

"Poor dear. He seemed a little green after he ate so many smores."

"Haaah aaa!" ("That wimp!")

"For a turtle, he sure gets _sea-sick_ pretty easily! Hahahaha!"

"Sense, none that made!"

Falco shrugged, "Everyone's a critic."

_

* * *

_

On the Main Floor…

"Hiiiya-Toony Zelda-It's me Linky-do you know the REAL Zelda is here-she's so pretty-I'm at her party-at some really really really big place-and Link gave me COOKIES!" In the study, Linky rambled on and on on the phone.

"No this isn't the party I was supposed to be at-I got lost going to the party I was invited to-oh that's right-can you find my invitation-I left it-I need the address I was supposed to go to-please please please pleeeeeeease?...Yay thanks-You're so kind-call me when you find it, THANKS!" He hung up the phone merrily singing to himself.

There was a creaking noise behind him. Linky turned and settled his large eyes on what was there. He broke into a wide grin. "Hai thar!-It's good to see you-I was SOOOO lonely-How come I have to stay in here?-What's this party about-can you get me MORE TREATS? I love treats!-And-what's that for? What are you doing with that…?"

_Across the hall in the Conservatory…_

"This is why I'm NEVER having kids." Fox rummaged around while the children ran around the room howling like monkeys.

"I bet you'll get killed before I do!" Ness bragged.

"Nuh-uh. There are two of us and one of you…you."

"Yea, but you two are weak. I'm super strong."

"Are not…not."

"Are too."

"Are not-not!"

"ARE TOO."

"ARE NOT-NOT!"

"ARE TOO, Snowcone heads!"

"Are NOT, fat bumble bee-bee!" The pair tackled the lone boy. They bounced around the room hitting and pushing one another.

"Stop this, behave yourselves!" Fox commanded, while at the same time pleading. The children's actions only grew more violent as they thrashed around. Fox gave up, watching them. He then gasped when he noticed they were about to crash into a mirror. "Hey, kids-watch out for the-!" He closed his eyes, realizing it was too late and only waited to hear the crash of the glass and their cries of pain.

But it never came. Fox opened his eyes to discover he was alone. The mirror remained unharmed, and the kids had disappeared.

"…Brats?" Fox called.

Ness poked his head through the mirror, "Who you callin' a brat?"

Fox blinked.

Nana poked her head out, "We found a tunnel...tunnel!"

Fox went over, cautiously he stretched his hand into the mirror. His hand effortlessly went through. He stepped through the mirror, stunned to see he was now standing in a narrow, dark passageway. Fox pulled out a small flashlight, noticing the passage was heading to the right, lined with old cold bricks. The three children huddled around him.

"W-Where does it go?"

"That's what we're going to find out."

But it's scary…scary!" Nana and Popo cried.

"I don't wanna go either!" Ness sobbed as the three of them hugged Fox's limbs.

"Stop CRYING." Fox shook them off. "We are going and that's that." He started to walk on, but couldn't ignore the children's cries. He sighed, turning back and offering his paw. "Come on, we'll stay together. If it gets too scary we'll turn back."

"Okay…okay…" After linking hands, they continued on.

The only light source Fox held in his paws, which grew dimmer and dimmer. After two minutes of walking, they all screamed loud they heard-

***Ka-BOOM!***

The entire tunnel shook violently, causing them all to fall over. Fox dropped the flashlight and the whole tunnel went black and filled with smoke.

"It's too scary-ITS TOO SCARY!"

Fox coughed "What the-!" He paused when he heard something. Over the children's crying he heard quick footsteps that seemed to be heading their way. "Where is the flashlight?" He frantically felt around in the dark, partially restricted by the kids attached to his arms. The footsteps grew louder, Fox tried to brace himself for whatever was coming towards him. The kids were frozen with fear, finally realizing the foreign footsteps. Fox pushed them against the wall of the narrow passage way, taking a fighting stance. When he sensed the footsteps only a few feet in front of him, he lunged out. But to his surprise, whatever it was had been much faster, only knocking Fox to the wall and continued running past them.

Fox's head had been knocked against the bricks. He held his head in pain, still attempting to follow whoever had shoved him. But with his splitting migrane, he felt dizzy and sat on the ground. After sitting for a little while, he saw a dim light settle on him.

"I found the flashlight, Fox." Ness grinned, walking closer.

"What was that…that?" Nana and Popo helped the pilot up.

"I don't know. But he came from up ahead." Fox grabbed Nana's hand and followed Ness. Up ahead as the smoke started to clear, the found the source of the smoke. On the right side of the tunnel wall was a large, wooden door. From underneath they could see smoke still slightly seeping through. Fox courageously grabbed the handle, pushed the kids behind him, then flung it open.

The thick smoke flooded out the room when the door opened. Fox walked in, the kids behind him. "What room is this?" Fox closed the door when they were all in, only to realize that the tunnel door was actually a giant painting. The furniture in the room was all destroyed, what once was a desk still had flames burning.

"A bomb went off." Ness concluded.

"How?" Fox entered the center of the room. When walking he tripped and fell. "Now what the hell was that-AAAARGH!" Fox jumped up. He had tripped over Linky, who didn't respond.

"AHHHHH!" The kids ran to the door, jerking on the handle.

Fox joined in, punching and kicking. "GET US OUT!"

_In the rest of the House…_

The other Smashers heard the explosion and had already started gathering in the foyer. The screaming from the study gave them another great shock and made them even more confused.

"Yo, what is going on?"

"We're being attacked!" Snake hide under his box.

"Wahaha, we all gonna die, yay!"

"I don't want to die yet, Dude!"

_The only one's dieing now are the ones screaming!_

"Like, where did the explosion come from?"

"Gaaaaaaaah!"

"Why are you screaming a-Luigi?"

"Gaaah~I afraid of screaming!"

"Where ish tha screaming coming fromz?"

"Ohh ahh ahh!" ("The study!")

"Locked, the door is."

"I knowz."

Wolf shoved Master Hand at the door. "Open the door, Idiot!"

Master Hand patted his bow tie, before panicking, "Tha key ish gone!"

"Pikaaaa-**who cares unlock the effin door!**"

Master Hand smacked the Poke'mon, "I cants unlock tha door without tha key!"

Falco knocked on the door, "LET US IN, LET US IN!"

"LET US OUT, LET US OUT!" Fox pleaded.

"I know what to do." Zelda rushed into the lounge.

"A job for: Capitan Falcon. Stand back, everyone."

Everyone obeyed, stepping clear away from the door. Captain Falcon posed dramatically, before pulling back his fist and releasing a mighty, "Falcon, **PAAAAAAAWNCH!**"

***Crash!***

"Oww!" Falcon's attack sent him flying backwards. The door was perfectly unharmed. Although it differed for poor Falcon, "Falcon's arm, is in, paaaaaaaaain." He groaned, laying on the floor.

Zelda ran back out the lounge carrying the ray gun. "I've got the-"

***BANG!***

She tripped over the moaning Captain accidentally firing the gun in the air.

"Zelda's got a gun ya'll!" Bowser hid in his shell as all the others started screaming and falling on the floor.

Zelda stood up, both hands on the gun as she aimed it at the locks. With three more shots the locks and chains fell off. Proud of herself, she grinned, "Come out, the door is open."

"Waaaaah!' Ness, Nana, and Popo fled out the room.

A shaky Fox emerged from the room. "Were you trying to kill us?"

"I opened the door, didn't I?" Zelda shrugged.

"You could've told us to MOVE!"

"You were screaming-why are you yelling at me?"

"Because I've had enough of this** hell house!**"

***Clash!***

The chandler came crashing down in the middle of the foyer. Numerous frightened Smashers flinched or yelped a little. People kept quite, the argument had ended. Although, they rolled their eyes when Falco smirked, slapping Fox's shoulder, "You're loosing your cool, keep it together man!"

Fox sat next to Wolf to calm down.

Sonic impatiently tapped his foot on the floor, "What was all the fuss about?"

Fox gestured to the door. Everyone else went inside the room to get the answer.

"Oh poor, poor, Toon Link…" Pit cried.

"Oh noez, tha poor Linky."

"Awww, Yoshiiiiii."

"Eeei, ohhh?" ("How did he die?")

"Bombs, I guess."

"This doesn't make sense. How did you four get into the locked study?" R.O.B. suspiciously asked.

Peach cheerfully giggled. "It's a lovely magic trick."

"No. There's a passageway from the conservatory to here. When we were in it there was the explosion. We found him like that." Fox explained.

"There's one version of myself gone…" Link mumbled.

"You're so HEARTLESS." Zelda scolded.

"What do you expect me to say-" Link snatched the gun, "Hey, where did _you_ get _this_?"

The attention fell on the gun. "I found it in the lounge, the cabinet is unlocked."

"UNLOCKED?" Other Smashers yelled in unison.

"Impossiblez!" Master Hand went to see for himself with the others.

Indeed, the cabinet had been reopened. The majority of the weapons were still inside, yet some were missing or sprawled on the floor. Link threw the gun down by the other weapons, shaking his head.

"How did this happen?" Olimar shook like a leaf.

Diddy screeched, "Ahhh, ahh!" ("You threw the key!")

"Not at firstz, we got distracted by tha Toon Linky. One of youz coulda took it from my pocket."

"**Pik-MAAAAAAAAN.**"

"Yo, puffball has a point. Olimar would be small enough to get the key."

"Wh-what? No it wasn't me!"

"Ya say the line, ya did the crime."

"_That's a line, for a different crime, the farting time-_"

"Damn banjo, PUT AWAY!"

"Error-error-error." R.O.B. alerted.

"More good news?" Samus sighed.

"This is the last location of the box containing our blackmail items. The box is now gone. ERROR-ERROR-WE'RE ALL SCREWED!"

"Oooooh-a no."

"How could things like, get any worse?"

***Ding-Dong***

"Police, open up!" A voice called from the front door.

Roy face palmed. "...FML."

"Way to go Marth, you jinxed us all." Sonic stomped on the prince's foot.

"Ooow, ow, ooow!" Marth held his foot whining like a little girl.

"Pi, kaaa?"

"We ish going to ignore it, maybe he will leaves." Master Hand purposed. But he didn't notice that Wolf had already slipped out the room and to the front entrance.

"I'm answering it, I have nothing to hide, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING." With a final huff Wolf swung the door open without any regrets.

* * *

:D Police have arrived! Ooh how lovely, as Peach might say. So what will happen next with the cop at the door and the alarming number of bodies all over the mansion? Next chapter will have more odd twists going on. (Or if not the one after that...) Chapter 8 hopefully won't take forever and a day, I've already got a few pages done whoot! Trying to get my motivation back. Thanks to commenters~!


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